Palace have verbal agreement with Richards

Crystal Palace are seemingly closing in on their fourth summer signing, with reports suggesting that the Eagles have a verbal agreement to sign Bayern Munich defender Chris Richards.

What’s the word?

Patrick Vieira’s side were linked with the USA international last week, with Southampton and Leeds United also said to be interested in the 22-year-old.

However, it seems as if the Selhurst Park outfit have won the race to sign Richards this summer, as Sky Sports journalist Florian Plettenberg confirmed on Twitter.

He wrote: “Chris Richards: He has a verbal agreement with Crystal Palace. The Bayern defender wants to join them. Now the clubs has to find an agreement. Negotiations ongoing.”

Supporters will be buzzing

After an impressive first season in charge of Palace, Vieira is working quickly to continue his overhaul at the club, having already brought in Sam Johnstone, Malcolm Ebiowei and Cheick Doucoure this summer.

Under Roy Hodgson, Selhurst Park was home to far too many journeymen and players in decline, but they have been transformed into an exciting, youthful side over the past 12 months. In Richards, the Eagles will be getting another promising young defender who has been a regular on loan at Hoffenheim for the last two Bundesliga seasons.

The centre-back made 34 appearances across his two loan spells at the club, contributing one goal and two assists in that time to add to his 10 senior outings for Bayern Munich.

Richards has been tipped for a bright future by USA manager Gregg Berhalter, who spoke highly of the youngster last year, saying: “Chris is one of our central defenders of the future. I like his development very much. I find the cooperation between Bayern and the USSF to be outstanding. Together we’re trying to develop a great player from a great talent.”

While Marc Guehi and Joachim Andersen formed a strong partnership at the heart of Palace’s defence last season, Vieira will be glad to have another young option at the back, and supporters will surely be delighted to hear that Richards is ready to make the move to Selhurst Park.

AND in other news: Vieira can land his own Cavani as Crystal Palace eye move for £42m “huge talent”

Leeds: Graham Smyth labels Sonny Perkins move as ‘one to watch’

Leeds United correspondent Graham Smyth has labelled a move for former West Ham forward Sonny Perkins as ‘one to watch’.

The Lowdown: Perkins a free agent

The 18-year-old, who Leeds reporter James Marshment has said could be a ‘£20m’ player in ‘three or four years’, departed West Ham on Friday.

The Hammers confirmed that the forward turned down a professional contract at the London Stadium, believing that ‘he was approached to sign for another club which led to him asking to be released from his scholarship’.

Leeds were thought to be lining up a deal for the teenager last month, and Smyth has now made an intriguing claim on a potential Elland Road move.

The Latest: Smyth’s comments on Perkins

Smyth shared a Q&A for The Yorkshire Evening Post on Saturday, answering numerous Whites-related topics.

When asked about Perkins, the reporter described a potential transfer as ‘one to watch’, adding that the forward ‘won’t be without a club for long’.

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Smyth outlined:

“West Ham United made it very clear in a statement yesterday that they’re unhappy with the Sonny Perkins situation but ultimately he has left the club and he will sign for someone else. Leeds were far from alone in admiring the 18-year-old this and West Ham did not specify which club they believe have made an approach that has ‘led him to asking to be released from his scholarship.’

“Leeds are making no comment on this one but it’s one to watch. He won’t be without a club for long and whether or not the FA get involved remains to be seen.”

The Verdict: Need to act fast

Leeds now have a free run at signing Perkins after his departure from West Ham, but they may need to be quick to avoid disappointment. Smyth stated that the Whites aren’t alone in admiring the teenager, with Aston Villa linked last month and Tottenham also entering the race in recent days.

Perkins only needs to look at the rise of Joe Gelhardt and Sam Greenwood at Elland Road to see that there is a clear pathway into the first team from academy level, so that could play in Leeds’ favour should the race for the 18-year-old heat up.

Arsenal still pushing for Jesus deal

Arsenal are believed to be ramping up their pursuit of Manchester City striker Gabriel Jesus, having recently confirmed the signing of Porto’s Fabio Vieira.

What’s the word?

As per Goal’s Charles Watts, the Gunners are said to be ‘firmly in the hunt’ to land the Brazil international, with talks now said to be at a ‘critical stage’ as the north London side seek to prise the 25-year-old from the Etihad.

The report suggests that ‘there is hope’ on all sides that an agreement can be struck swiftly, with City believed to value the former Palmeiras man – who they signed on a £27m deal in 2016 – at around £50m.

The report goes on to add that the player’s representatives are on their way to England in order to try and speed up negotiations, albeit with rivals Tottenham Hotspur also believed to be keeping an eye on potential developments.

Supporters will love

Much to the delight of the club’s supporters, it would appear that the Emirates outfit are moving ever closer to securing the signing of the £91k-per-week marksman, with the player’s potential arrival set to represent a major coup for manager Mikel Arteta.

The Spaniard had coached the £45m-rated speedster during his spell working under compatriot Pep Guardiola at City, with the hope being that he can draw on that connection in order to tempt the forward into leaving the Premier League champions.

With the arrivals of Erling Haaland and Julian Alvarez adding even further competition to Guardiola’s squad, it would appear that the serial-winning coach is willing to sanction Jesus’ departure, with the player having just a year remaining on his existing deal.

Their loss will undoubtedly be Arsenal’s gain, however, with the versatile ace having proven himself a lethal attacking presence since joining his current side five years ago, going on to score 95 goals and provide 46 assists in 236 games in all competitions.

Despite somewhat falling out favour in the most recent campaign – making just 21 Premier League starts – the 5 foot 9 star still recorded an impressive haul of eight goals and eight assists in the top-flight, with only Bukayo Saka having provided more goal contributions among the Gunners squad.

With Alexandre Lacazette having returned to Lyon, Jesus will seemingly be the ideal fit to lead the line moving forward, while his flexibility to feature on either flank will also make him an invaluable asset.

Such quality additions with Premier League experience don’t come available too often, with supporters undoubtedly thrilled that they may be able to poach such an impressive talent from one of their ‘Big Six’ rivals.

Equally, any move will prove a real statement of intent after the disappointment of last season’s top-four failure, with Arteta and co seemingly set to invest heavily again in an attempt to end their lengthy Champions League absence.

IN other news, Arsenal now plotting record-breaking bid for £100m gem, he’d be a “superstar” signing

Celtic must secure Joseph Okumu transfer

Celtic have seen numerous players make moves out of the Parkhead club in the past that have gone on to have success away from the Hoops.

One prime example is Virgil van Dijk, who after spending some time at Celtic Park went on to become one of the Premier League’s and Europe’s biggest stars.

Signed from Dutch club FC Groningen back in 2013 for a fee of £2.6m, the centre-back went on to make 115 appearances for the Bhoys across all competitions.

In those appearances, he chipped in with 15 goals and seven assists as well as winning two SPFL titles and one Scottish League Cup.

After leaving in 2015 for a move to Premier League club Southampton, the defender eventually ended up at Liverpool where he has lifted the top-flight title and the Champions League.

Even though Celtic ended their title winning 2021/22 SPFL season with the best defensive record in the top flight, the upcoming summer transfer window could now give Ange Postecoglou the chance to unearth his own version of Van Dijk at Parkhead.

Last week, the agent of Gent defender Joseph Okumu revealed that Celtic have shown an interest in his client.

Having been claimed to have similar attributes on the pitch to Celtic’s former Dutch centre-back by Johan Larsson, the 25-year-old racked up the third-highest number of interceptions (49) and tackles (41) in Gent’s squad this season.

He also had the second-highest average for blocks (0.9) and the third-most clearances per game (3.2) as well.

With Van Dijk racking up the second-highest average for clearances (3.1) and third-highest average for blocks (0.4) per game in Liverpool’s squad during the latest Premier League campaign, it’s easy to see why the comparison between the two defenders has been made.

Praised for his “tremendous” performances in the past, the £4.05m-rated Kenyan could well become Celtic’s next version of Van Dijk if he’s given the chance to show off his clear defensive talent at Parkhead by Postecoglou.

If the Hoops’ apparent interest in Okumu is genuine, then a move for his signature this summer could be a great bit of business. It would give Postecoglou the chance to strengthen his squad ahead of next season and prepare his men for the tough challenges they’ll undoubtedly be facing.

In other news: Celtic can replicate CCV masterclass by signing 25y/o gem who’s “one of the very best”

Leeds dealt huge boost ahead of Brentford

Leeds United have been handed a huge boost ahead of their Premier League meeting with Brentford this Sunday.

What’s the latest?

That’s according to injury analyst Ben Dinnery, who revealed that Ethan Pinnock – who missed the Bees’ 3-2 victory over Everton on Sunday with a thigh injury – only has a 25% chance of making a return to first-team football against Leeds at the Brentford Community Stadium this weekend.

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Speaking ahead of the win at Goodison Park, Thomas Frank said of the centre-back’s condition: “Ethan will not be ready for Everton, maybe Leeds.”

Marsch will be buzzing

Considering the fact that Leeds simply must secure all three points against Brentford if they are to have any hope of avoiding relegation this season, in addition to how impressive Pinnock has been in the heart of the Bees’ defence this term, the news that the 28-year-old looks likely to miss out against the Whites this weekend is sure to have left Jesse Marsch buzzing.

Indeed, over his 32 Premier League appearances in the current campaign, the £9m-rated talent has been an absolute rock at the back, helping his side keep seven clean sheets, as well as making an average of 1.4 interceptions, 1.6 tackles, 4.6 clearances and winning 6.8 duels – at a success rate of 68% – per game.

The centre-back has also impressed in an attacking capacity, scoring one goal, registering one assist and creating two big chances for his teammates, in addition to taking an average of 0.5 shots, making 0.4 key passes and completing 0.3 dribbles per fixture.

These returns have seen the £27k-per-week Jamaica international average an extremely impressive SofaScore match rating of 7.01, ranking him as Frank’s second-best performing defender and sixth-best player overall in the top flight of English football.

As such, should Pinnock indeed be ruled out of Sunday’s final day clash, it is clear to see that it would provide Leeds’ chances of securing all three points – and subsequently, survival – with a huge boost, with the 28-year-old’s absence being exactly the sort of marginal gain that Marsch will be hoping for in the buildup to the fixture.

AND in other news: Orta must ruthlessly axe £40k-p/w Leeds “mistake” who’s “nothing short of a liability”

The end of the Anderson overseas debate? It should be

England’s leading wicket-taker may have played his last away Test – but pension him off at your peril

Andrew Miller09-Jan-2020This is surely not quite the end of James Anderson’s indefatigable, incredible international career. If he’s still got the hunger to push for yet another comeback (and he certainly gave that impression in tweeting that he expected to be back from his rib injury in “weeks”) then he demonstrated beyond all doubt at Cape Town that he’s still got the form.But nevertheless, Anderson’s departure from England’s tour of South Africa might yet prove to be the final send-off for a significant and much-debated subset of a truly great Test career. Is this the last hurrah for his overseas Test record – one of the great injustices of public perception?For Anderson had already signalled his intention to skip the tour of Sri Lanka in the spring – a trip for which he may not now be fit, but where the spin-dominant conditions had left him with a walk-on role in last year’s 3-0 series win. And as for that ultimate unsated ambition, the next tour of Australia (no country for old men at the best of times), that does not come around until 2021-22. He will be into his 40th year by then, and no matter how willing his spirit may be, it would be quite some indictment of England’s bowling resources if he was called upon to lead the line for a fifth Ashes tour.ALSO READ: Anderson ruled out of SA tour with rib injuryAnd so, could this be it? If so, it was quite a way to go – becoming, at the age of 37 years and 159 days, the oldest England seamer to claim a five-wicket haul since Freddie Brown in 1951 (and Brown, a habitual legspinner, had only been bowling seam-up that day to exploit the damp Melbourne conditions). Not only did Anderson prove, for the umpteenth time, that he could do it overseas, he did so at an age when most self-respecting quick bowlers are eyeing up a comfy chair in the commentary box in exchange for a few “in my day” anecdotes.But instead of the easy option of a well-deserved retirement, Anderson has now hoovered up 216 wickets at 32.05 in 67 Tests outside of England, which is more than John Snow (202) or Angus Fraser (177) managed in the whole of their own fine careers, and just a few scalps shy of a slew of the men alongside whom he honed his craft – Matthew Hoggard, Andrew Caddick, Darren Gough, Steve Harmison and Andrew Flintoff.One could still argue that the most outstanding aspect of that haul comes in its sheer longevity, but it is significantly better than average by any standards. Moreover, in the last decade of overseas action, dating back to the victorious Ashes tour of 2010-11 – where Anderson’s 24 wickets in five Tests included four-wicket hauls in the first innings of each of England’s three innings wins – that average dips to 28.31, and at an economy rate of 2.63 that confirms the respect with which his spells have been negotiated.

But of course, when your home Test tally (368 at 23.76) exceeds the overall figure with which Dennis Lillee (355) once held the Test wickets record, then all other achievements are destined to pale by comparison. Like those who quibble that the only true mark of a great allrounder is the size of the gap between one’s batting and bowling average, so Anderson’s greatest misfortune is that his stunning home standards render his away form mortal.He also remains tarred, in some people’s estimation, by the player he used to be. Lie back and think of Anderson, striving for breakthroughs on a foreign field, and what image swims in front of your eyes? The canny, leathery old pro, shuffling in on that familiar direct approach to the crease, and whipping down another imperceptibly subtle swinger on that full and uncuttable length? Or the rabbit-in-the-headlight tyro, who toured the world with a single stump in his hold-all, condemned to endless lunch-time training sessions on the edge of the square, only to be thrust into the heat of Johannesburg 2004-05 or Brisbane 2006-07, and confronted with a vengeful Herschelle Gibbs or Ricky Ponting?It seems insane that a player who has achieved so much over so many years can still be judged by standards that he set before he truly knew his own game. And it also misses the point about how his role has evolved in a Test team that may have pulled off some remarkable away wins – that Ashes tour for one, and the India win two years later – but which for long periods of his career has lacked the all-round components to be competitive abroad.Anderson has consistently been the best of English abroad – MS Dhoni, no less, stated that his haul of 12 wickets at 30.25 in that 2012-13 triumph was “the difference between the sides” – but all too often his efforts have been undermined by deficits in other departments. Batting line-ups unable to put the scores on the board required to create pressure on flat surfaces, for instance, or the English system’s long-term failure to produce mystery spinners and consistent 90mph quicks – issues that hark back to Anderson’s earliest days in the fold under Nasser Hussain and Duncan Fletcher.James Anderson celebrates taking the wicket of Kagiso Rabada•AFP / Getty ImagesAfter all, speed has never been his forte – for all that he could be brisk when the mood took him. And therefore comparisons with his longest-standing contemporary Dale Steyn – Test cricket’s Christmas No.1 for seven consecutive seasons from 2009 to 2015, whose natural pace was a point of difference over and above the buzz of that lethal outswinger – are broadly futile. It’s like comparing Andy Murray to Novak Djokovic: the fact that Anderson may not be the absolute best of his generation, let alone of all time, does not diminish the fact that there is still daylight between his standards and the best of the rest.Besides, Anderson’s extraordinary longevity surely entitles him to be compared to himself first and foremost – a player who has come through for his country time and time again, and evolved – like Richard Hadlee before him – from tearaway quick with all of the skills and little of the subtlety, to a master craftsman with the patience, technique and stamina to administer death by a thousand dots.And maybe, just maybe, there are a few thousand more to come yet. Anderson is, after all, just 16 wickets shy of becoming the first fast bowler to 600 Test wickets (and to think that Fred Trueman was “bloody tired” after half that many – although his first-class workload had more than a bit to do with that…)What’s more, Anderson has shown in the past that there is no point in writing him off, not even when there’s a seemingly futile assignment waiting in the wings. In 2016 for instance, a long-term shoulder problem threatened his participation on that winter’s tour of India – a trip that a less-driven competitor might have chosen to duck out of, given the relative strengths of the two sides at the time.But Anderson was in no mood to relinquish his status as England’s attack leader – and positively bristled at the suggestion that, at the age of 34, it was time to be more selective in the contests that he thrust himself into.”I’ve had a couple of injuries here and there in the last 18 months, which is pretty much all I’ve had in my career,” he said at the time. “I don’t think that’s going to deter me from wanting to play in every single game that I possibly can.”I love playing the game, I love playing for England and I don’t want to miss any cricket.”You sense the same is probably still true now. Even as he cruises at 30,000 feet back to London, he’ll be plotting his way back to the front line. And preparing to render all attempts to pension him off redundant.

Rabada on the rise

Bangladesh’s overseas struggles, South Africa’s biggest Test win ever, and other stats highlights from South Africa’s resounding performance in Bloemfontein

S Rajesh08-Oct-2017Bangladesh have taken huge strides as a Test team at home, but over these two Tests in South Africa, they showed they have a long way to go in overseas conditions. Their defeat in the second Test by an innings and 254 runs is their fourth-biggest innings defeat in Tests. The last time they lost by a bigger margin was way back in 2005, against England at Lord’s. For South Africa, this was their biggest Test win ever, surpassing their innings-and-229-run win against Sri Lanka in Cape Town in 2001.South Africa were barely tested with bat or ball in this match. They had four centurions, and scored 573 for the loss of just four wickets. They took 20 wickets conceding just 319 runs, an average of just 15.95 runs per wicket. The difference between Bangladesh’s bowling average (143.25) and batting average (15.95) is the sixth-largest in their Test history; the largest is also against South Africa, in Chittagong in 2003, when South Africa scored 470 for 2, and Bangladesh managed only 173 and 237. The last time the difference in the averages was larger than this was in May 2007, against India in Mirpur: a telling indicator of how poor Bangladesh were in this Test.

Largest diff between bowling and batting ave for Ban in a Test
Bat ave Bowl ave Opp Ground Ave diff
20.50 235.00 SA Chittagong (2003) 214.50
18.55 203.33 Ind Dhaka (2007) 184.78
14.10 182.00 Pak Multan (2001) 167.90
13.35 176.00 Eng Lord’s (2005) 162.65
21.00 149.00 Eng Chester-le-Street (2005) 128.00
15.95 143.25 SA Bloemfontein (2017) 127.30
25.05 145.25 Aus Chittagong (2006) 120.20
23.00 139.75 WI Kingston (2004) 116.75

Only three times have Bangladesh lasted fewer deliveries when losing 20 wickets in a Test, and all those instances have come before 2006. More tellingly, each of them has occurred outside home, another rude reminder of how much they are lagging behind away from home.

Fewest balls faced by Ban to lose 20 wkts in a Test
Runs Balls Opposition Ground Year
274 430 SL Colombo (RPS) 2005
267 469 Eng Lord’s 2005
282 494 Pak Multan 2001
319 513 SA Bloemfontein 2017
226 516 WI Dhaka 2002
339 530 Eng Manchester 2010
312 531 SA Bloemfontein 2008

Rabada’s specialSince his international debut in 2015, it was apparent to all that Kagiso Rabada was a special talent, and in the couple of years he has been around, he has largely fulfilled expectations. The Bloemfontein Test was a special one for him: he became the fifth-youngest in Test history to reach 100 Test wickets, and the joint third-fastest in terms of matches for South Africa, after Vernon Philander and Dale Steyn.Kagiso Rabada became the fifth-youngest bowler to take 100 Test wickets•ESPNcricinfo LtdHe also capped off the Test with a ten-for, finishing with outstanding figures of 10 for 63. Rabada was coming off slightly underwhelming performances in his last two series, in New Zealand and England (24 wickets at 31.92), but a weak Bangladesh batting line-up was no match for his pace and movement.After 22 Tests, Rabada has taken 102 wickets at an average of 22.71 and a strike rate of 39.8. As the table below shows, that compares well with some of the other top South African bowlers. Since the start of 2007, South Africa’s bowlers have taken 10 ten-wicket hauls in Tests, which have been shared among Steyn (five) Philander (two) and Rabada (three). In fact, the last three ten-fors by South African bowlers all belong to Rabada.

Top South African bowlers after 22 Tests
Bowler Wkts Ave SR 5WI
VD Philander 111 18.87 41.0 9
DW Steyn 117 21.41 35.6 8
K Rabada 102 22.71 39.8 7
SM Pollock 76 24.27 57.5 4
AA Donald 101 25.49 51.8 5
M Morkel 76 32.25 55.2 2
Ntini 51 37.72 75.1 1

Also, only once has a South African bowler taken a ten-wicket haul conceding fewer runs than Rabada’s 63; Steyn took 11 for 60 against Pakistan in Johannesburg in 2013.

Least runs conceded for a 10-for by an SA bowler
Player Overs Runs Wkts Oppn Ground Year
DW Steyn 36.5 60 11 Pak Johannesburg 2013
K Rabada 24.5 63 10 Ban Bloemfontein 2017
PM Pollock 47.5 87 10 Eng Nottingham 1965
A Nel 37.4 88 10 WI Bridgetown 2005
DW Steyn 24.3 91 10 NZ Centurion 2007
K Rabada 29.0 92 10 SL Cape Town 2017

Sri Lanka, West Indies control their own fates

A look at what the teams in Group 1 need to do to qualify for the semi-finals of the World T20

S Rajesh25-Mar-2016West Indies and England are on top on the group with four points each, but West Indies are better placed between the two teams, since they have not yet played Afghanistan, the weakest team in the group. However, if West Indies lose to South Africa and beat Afghanistan, it may not guarantee them a place in the semi-finals as three teams could finish on three wins each. That could happen if South Africa win their last two games – against West Indies and Sri Lanka – and England beat Sri Lanka. In that case, West Indies, South Africa and England will all finish on three wins. West Indies’ current NRR is marginally ahead of South Africa’s, and a big win against Afghanistan will help their cause even if they lose to South Africa.However, if Sri Lanka beat England on Saturday then six points will be enough for West Indies, as in that case only one of Sri Lanka or South Africa will be in a position to get to six.England are currently second on the table with four points, but their NRR is below those of West Indies and South Africa. A win against Sri Lanka will leave them well-placed for qualification, but they could still miss out if South Africa win their two remaining games, and West Indies beat Afghanistan. In that case, England, South Africa and West Indies will all have six points, but England’s NRR will almost certainly be below those of the other two teams.If England lose to Sri Lanka they will almost certainly miss out. Though there is a possibility of South Africa and Sri Lanka finishing on four points as well, England’s NRR will most likely be below that of South Africa’s.South Africa have two tough games coming up, against West Indies and Sri Lanka. Wins in both will almost certainly see them through – even if England beat Sri Lanka – but if South Africa lose one of their games, they will need other results to go their way to qualify. For a start, England will have to lose to Sri Lanka, for an England victory will push them to six points, and West Indies will get there too if they beat Afghanistan, regardless of their result against South Africa.However, if England lose to Sri Lanka, then four points might be enough for South Africa provided they lose to West Indies and beat Sri Lanka. In that case, England, Sri Lanka and South Africa will all be on four points, but South Africa could finish with the better NRR. The results margins for the three teams against Afghanistan could be the key factor here: South Africa beat them by 37 runs, while England won by 15, and Sri Lanka with only seven balls to spare.Sri Lanka are in a similar position to South Africa – they have beaten Afghanistan but lost to one of the stronger teams – which means they too have two difficult games coming up, against England and South Africa. Since their NRR is not as good as South Africa’s, they need a convincing win in one of their two remaining games to significantly push up their chances. For instance, if Sri Lanka beat England by 30 runs on Saturday, their NRR will go up to around 0.40. For them to go through with four points, though, they will need South Africa to lose heavily to West Indies, so that they stay ahead of them on NRR.However, Sri Lanka are the one team, apart from West Indies, who do not need to depend on other results to get through. If they win their last two games and move up to six points, then both England and South Africa will get knocked out.

Into the mind of the bowlologist

Damien Fleming explains a few of the concepts he cooked up, his fondness for hard-rock and dishes on who hid a Britney Spears CD in their bag

Sidharth Monga13-Jan-2015What is the whole bowlologist concept?
You say as though it is a negative, with that bit of frown over there.I know the serious side of it, but I mean stuff like Avenue of Apprehension…
We played this beach cricket series. Australia, New Zealand, England, West Indies. Really good fun. Great way to play with legends like Viv Richards and Thommo [Jeff Thomson] and Dennis Lillee and Richard Hadlee. I remember talking to Sir Richard one night. About Geoff Boycott’s Corridor of Uncertainty. I can’t remember what exactly, but Sir Richard wanted to ban that. Next day on he said, “I am going to ban it, let’s come up with some options.” And so we came up with Avenue of Apprehension, Snick Street, and Hallway of Hesitation. But what I did was, I used other people’s ideas and used them as mine. Mixture of me and people coming up with stuff on Twitter and stuff.Were you always wacky?
We are in the entertainment business. Even Test cricket is entertainment. I want to make sure I am insightful and take the game seriously, but if there is a chance to have fun, do that. I was someone who could provide a bit of humour, I suppose. Sometimes intentional, sometimes unintentional. Just by being pretty sloppy. Boys reckoned I used to talk a lot of rubbish when I was playing, but guess who is in the media now. Bad luck, lads.How did you turn out like this?
I roomed with Merv Hughes for six years. I left school and got picked two weeks later at the age of 18 years. Nothing prepares you for that. No wonder my personality is slightly off the kilt, because to room with Merv for six years and survive, one, I deserve a medal, and two, I am not going to come out normal. I blame it on Mervyn Hughes.How was your first night with him?
It was in Queensland. Tony Dodemaide and Michael di Venuto wished me luck going up in the lift. I went, “What am I in for here?” Going in there, [Hughes asked], “What bed do you want? Double or single?” I said single. And he went, “Aww gee, you are good to room with.” And then he ended up putting his arm around me and said, “Mate, you will be all right.”We didn’t room together only one time in those six years, and we lost, so went back together. He taught me a lot about cricket. For all the fun and games, he is a very mentally tough cricketer. I learned the level that I needed to be at. You need those role models when starting out, and you need to be a role model.Tell us more about rooming with him
We have got our own clubs. I have got a Test-hat-trick-for-Australia-on-debut club. Table for one each year. Merv and I form the club with Test hat-tricks and Test 70s club. So obviously Merv was the first. Me. We inducted Shane Warne last year. He never turns up, Warnie. Merv wanted to get Dennis Lillee, but he has got a 70 but no hat-trick. I threw in Glenn Mcgrath’s name, but Merv mentioned he doesn’t have a 70. It is a small club, but we catch up.What’s with Australian fast bowlers and scores in the 70s?
Well Rhino joined us. I rang Merv. No, Merv texts me saying, “hope Rhino gets a hat-trick. Hoping to induct him.”So just a club of two?
We are waiting. Warnie never bloody turns up, does he?Was it difficult to be yourself while being in and out of the side?
I never got dropped a lot. I helped the selectors by getting injured. I am sure if I was uninjured I would have been dropped a lot more.What did you tell Warnie and what did Warnie tell you after that drop?
I still haven’t spoken to him after that. I am not happy with it.Did you see the skit we did on Cricket Australia’s website. Make sure you plug that in the article.When I speak at corporate gigs, I build up the story a fair bit. I like to say I was on a second hat-trick, and I wasn’t that nervous because I had taken test hat-tricks before. I had got bored, really. In all seriousness, when I released the ball, and you don’t have enough time to think this, “Oh no it’s wide, oh beauty Srinath has nicked it, you beauty it’s going straight for Warnie, oh no Warnie has dropped it.” I wasn’t disappointed. We had beaten India to go one-up in the series, I took 5 for 30 so I am on the honours board, but the only thing I am disappointed about is, 5 for 30 is up there but how good would 6 for 29, including a hat-trick look? Just the 6 for 29 including the hat-trick on honours board. That’s my regret. In a statistical way, it would have been nice. But I have a story to tell.You could have started another club…
Two Test hat-tricks. Just for one. I could merge it with Australians-with-hat-tricks-on-Test-debut club.The one that slipped from Shane Warne at slip left Damien Fleming with hands on hips•Getty ImagesYou fast bowlers seem to have a strong bond…
We call ourselves the fast-bowling cartel. Obviously Glenn McGrath is the president. But the rest of us, we didn’t have a bowling coach when we were there. But the fast bowlers, we would talk about the opposition, we’d talk about what we were going to do and even to this day, you can just see we are talking over cricket. James Sutherland, an ex-fast bowler is the CEO of Cricket Australia, Tony Dodemaide [for] Cricket Victoria, Glenn McGrath’s doing a lot of things, Kasper [Michael Kasprowicz] is on the board. I am in the media. Dizzy [Jason Gillespie] is Yorkshire coach. We have an Indian brand ambassador as well. Srinath is an ICC match referee.But there is N Srinivasan there who has never bowled…
He’s not part of the cartel.But he controls everything…
At the moment, yes. But the fast-bowling cartel is sitting here, boys.Did you share Dizzy’s love of wrestling?
We actually – not that it should be allowed to be shown in public – but we got a bit bored on the 2001 series in India. In Delhi, I think. We mixed mini-golf with WWF. We called it Slam Punk Mania 2001. So we dressed up and we filmed it all. Just for the boys. But as you’d imagine, with the Indian people that were staying at the hotel, we ended up with a massive crowd thinking, ‘what the hell is going on?’What names did you have?
All I can say is, I was FFF. I’ll say that, but I don’t want to say the rest. Dizzy was Goofball Gillespie. And what was Kasper? He was the Hooded Avenger. He had a bit of a sock as an ally.Have you read any wrestling books?
I’ve read Hulk Hogan. I borrowed it off Dizzy. He used to love him, Mankind and all those guys.Were there cracks in the cartel when it came to music?
Dizzy and Kasper are very close because we are big hard-rock fans as well. That’s one thing I liked about India. India liked their rock. So you knew you can always buy rock CDs in India.Heavy metal?
I can go pretty heavy. Metallica, Megadeth, Anthrax. I go as heavy as that. That would be the limit for probably Kasper and Dizzy. But you know AC/DC, Pearl Jam, Nirvana, Alice In Chains. I am more a big rock fan.The only disagreement we had in the Australian dressing room was what went on the rockbox. We had the hard-rock guys like Kasper, Dizzy and me. And the big little head-banger David Boon. Loved his Deep Purple, Led Zeppelin. Cause he is a legend, I gave him a Motley Crew CD, and we get a few plays out of it. Because no one wanted to take Boony on. But when he retired, I had no one. So they chucked them out.Then we had the pretty-boy bands. Like Warnie, he likes ABBA and Aqua, and Ricky Martin. Ricky Martin? Warnie. Binga Brett Lee and Blewy [Greg Blewett]. The worst thing is they all knew the dance moves to Backstreet Boys and all that. And we are going, “Jeez.” It was the near the end of Michael Slater’s career that I found a Britney Spears CD in his bag, and I am not lying. And I was like, ‘Mickey, you’re out, mate. You can’t open the batting for Australia.’But they weren’t the worst. The worst were the country and western fans. Guys who liked Kenny Rogers and Johnny Denver, and an Australian guy called John Williamson. Like Steve Waugh, the captain.And that’s where you saw the guys who wanted to please their captain. Like Justin Langer and Hayden and Gilchrist. They would act like they actually liked that music just to get the captain handy. So that was the only dissension in there. I think that shortened my career. I had serious arguments with Steve Waugh, which we still have. There’s still a bit of friction. We play a little bit of golf together, me and Steve. And we’ve been partners, and we haven’t been winning. I reckon that our music dissension doesn’t help us gel as a team.Did you ever play Megadeth in the dressing room?
Yeah, yeah yeah. We’d get set periods where we would get to put it on. Particularly, Warnie hates my music. His brother Jason loves my music. So he would be like, “You’re like my brother.” And he hates it. For every Megadeth song or Metallica song from , you hear . And you’re like, “Are you serious?” Ricky Martin, , what you doing? And you’re dancing to it? Seriously how about you get a few more runs? Then we would get Holy Wars on. Then we’d get Metallica on.Did bad music bring around bad results?
I had bowled pretty well in this ODI series in 2001. I had got a few 2 or 3 for 30s. We got slogged a bit. And I don’t even know where it was. We are about to go out and bowl. Warnie has on. Phil Collins. That’s the atheist of rock ‘n’ roll. I said to John Buchanan. “John, you expect me to go out and be a fiery fast bowler, bounce Tendulkar and Ganguly, and rip into them with in my ear?” Go out there, of course I get 0 for 60 off 10 [0 for 53 off eight]. Walk in, see John Buchanan, and all I say, “Are you happy?” And walk away. That was my last ODI in India.What did Buchanan like?
Buey was pretty happy if the team was happy. He would float everywhere. He didn’t mind a bit of banter. He didn’t mind a little bit of friction within the dressing rooms .He thrived on them a bit. He would have meetings and pose questions. Mark Waugh would be asleep. The rest of us would listen. I reckon he was pretty easy.Who knows, he might have been writing his own tunes?
He might have been. He was a bit loopy, Buey. Pink Floyd might have been up his alley. He was a little out there, John.What does bowlology recommend?
This is in the bowlology handbook, fast bowlers have got to listen to hard rock. If you are going to bowl fast, you have just got to rock. I used to have a pump-up tape and a mellow tape. Just if I was getting a little bit over. But mellow for me was AC/DC or Pearl Jam.What about the mullets?
I did have one early. I had one halfway down the back. Kasper never. He didn’t have the head-cut for a mullet. Glenn didn’t either. Glenn had that Dumb Dumber Christmas look for a while there.You would have heard Parables Of Glenn McGrath’s Haircut?
No, but Glenn was, like Merv, a pest in the dressing room. He is always throwing forks and knives. He is a real wildlife person. Whereas I was more witty comments. I was always there as a bit of wingman if someone wants to go out for a bit of a beer. I liked the social side of things. And not getting famous enough so you can’t go out and enjoy things.It’s all part of being in a team, the camaraderie. Something I really enjoyed. The fun we had away from the game. But also we were very fortunate that there was still the fun side to it in the mid-’90s. Where we still celebrate pretty hard. Because we won quite often. Only towards the end that we started to get more professional and paid more. That era from ’93-ish to early 2000s we started to get paid well, but we could still have a real life outside the game.

England: wonderful, horrid England

In which the teams’ season report cards are ruthlessly reviewed, one in more detail than the others

Andy Zaltzman02-Apr-2013It is April. In India, the IPL casts its annual envious glance at Major League Baseball. A hundred and sixty-two matches per side – truly, commercial dreams can come true. And as cricket’s annual big-bucks slugfest begins, the 2012-13 Test season has been tagged, bagged, and taken away to the ICC laboratory for analysis (assuming that you consider the Zimbabwe v Bangladesh series to be part of the 2013 season) (an issue which has, no doubt, exercised your mind considerably over recent weeks). Around the cricketosphere, the world’s Test nations are taking stock. Some with more relish than others.Australia, who began the season by initially dominating the world’s best team, have ended it in something vaguely reminiscent of a poorly directed theatrical farce. The whole of Australia will be desperately hoping that Michael Clarke’s troublesome back recovers within the next 99 days, that his troublesome team reads a few coaching manuals in the same time frame, and that the government’s secret research into the development of an age-reversing serum that it can slather on seven or eight of its former world-dominating stars bears fruit.India is basking in the afterglow of emerging from its era-ending slump, with perhaps a smidgen of concern over how quickly its bright new dawn might be clouded over in South Africa later in the year, and a tinge of regret that they needlessly delayed their obviously-needed process of regeneration until after they had caved in against England in two disastrously low-octane performances in Mumbai and Kolkata.South Africa themselves have spent the last few days having the ICC Test mace analysed by scientists to discover why it seems to possess the supernatural power to magically transform turn a good team into a thoroughly average one. Thus far, they have succeeded only in turning Morne Morkel into a zebra, and Dale Steyn into Sreesanth, although thankfully that metamorphosis was temporary, and lasted long enough only for the world’s leading paceman to put on a headband and throw some excitable shapes on a dance floor. The Proteas may also be wondering why it took them so long (a) to pick Vernon Philander, (b) to fulfil their potential after years of underachievement, and (c) to realise that (a) and (b) might be linked.Sri Lanka have been largely unimpressive with the now-35-year-olds Rangana Herath and Kumar Sangakkara in the team. Without them, they would have been sub-dismal.Since Tino Best produced the most unexpected innings of 95 in the history of cricket – possibly the most unexpected innings of over 70 in the history of cricket – West Indies have won six out of six (for the first time since 1988). That is as many Tests as they had won in their previous 73 matches over eight years. New dawn, or inevitable result of playing the three teams ranked below them? Or a bit of both?New Zealand, amidst concern for the hospitalised Jesse Ryder, are assessing the fall-out from a turbulent season on and off the field, in which creditable drawn series bookended an absolute and merciless cauterisation in South Africa.Pakistan are contemplating how difficult it is to win Test matches without (a) playing regular Test matches, (b) a batting line-up, and (c) England in the opposition dressing room.Bangladesh have made distinct progress in batting, but have, at best, stagnated with the ball. Zimbabwe are playing again.And England? A curious melange of excellence, adequacy and ineptitude, a curious cocktail of rugged determination and inexplicable fragility. They have been brilliant and decisive at times, shoddy and hesitant at others.The batsmen, having enjoyed an extraordinary collective purple patch, then endured an equally extraordinary collective funk in the UAE at the start of last year. Since when, through last summer and this winter, they have been, with the exception of Matt Prior throughout and Alastair Cook in India, mostly inconsistent.The bowling unit on which their previous successes were built had shuddered to a halt at The Oval against South Africa. It has since spluttered inconsistently. From the start of the Pakistan series of 2010, when the bowling unit clicked into a higher gear, until the end of the West Indies series last summer, England picked eight different frontline bowlers. All of them, from Graham Onions in his solitary Test in that time, to Graeme Swann, who played all 24, averaged under 30. Collectively, with the ball, England averaged 26 runs per wicket, and took a wicket every 55 balls.

Pakistan are contemplating how difficult it is to win Test matches without (a) playing regular Test matches, (b) a batting line-up, and (c) England in the opposition dressing room

Since then, the six bowlers England have used in their last three series have all individually averaged over 33, and collectively, they have averaged 40, with a strike rate of 80. Tino Best seems to have transformed more than one team’s fortunes. Before his eye-popping, precedent-obliterating innings, England as a team had taken their opponents’ wickets for less than 30 runs apiece in 19 of their previous 23 Tests. In ten Tests since then, they have done so only in their two wins in India.England should still win one, and probably both, of their impending Ashes contests. Australia’s weaknesses look more pronounced. However, after only two series wins in six, and with no opportunity to avenge their conclusive defeats by Pakistan and South Africa until the 2015-16 season, England’s opportunity to establish themselves as a great Test side has probably passed them by.● Cook’s decision to put New Zealand in to bat certifiably, incontrovertibly and almost disastrously, did not work. This does not mean it was the wrong decision. Even with hindsight, I think it may, in fact, have been the right decision. But it was followed by a rubbishly executed team performance for four days. So it looked wrong. Very, very wrong.There must, similarly, be times when the captain makes the wrong decision at the toss, but his team plays well and wins, so everyone agrees that he made the right decision.Cook’s captaincy is prone to extreme, almost unfathomable, caution in the field. It was visible at times in India, even when England were completely dominant. It was painfully obvious on the fourth morning of the Auckland Test match, when England ran up the tactical white flag and waited for the merciful release of declaration.But Cook’s insertion of New Zealand on day one was a bold move, aimed at maximising England’s chances of winning. It backfired – if this had been a children’s cartoon rather than a Test match, Cook would have been left with gunpowder all over his face, hair on fire, and teeth falling out of his head with a comic twang – but it was strategically sound and statistically sensible.On a pitch that looked likely to remain batsman-friendly for five days, as indeed it did, Cook gave his team the earliest possible opportunity to start the difficult process of taking 20 wickets, with the subsequent options of either trying to force the game forward, or shutting up shop and seeing out a comfortable draw. The fact that they then took only one of those 20 wickets in the first day of the match, and became only the 13th Test side ever to put their opponents in to bat and then see their first two wickets rack up more than 250, does not invalidate the decision. Necessarily.Perhaps England were thinking back to Andy Flower’s first series in charge, when they failed to take the initiative at 1-0 down in the West Indies and needing to force a win on a similarly dull and featureless pitch. Then, England won the toss and, in accordance with convention, chose to bat, thus constricting the time available for taking the 20 wickets they required. They scored 546.West Indies were quite happy to let them score 546. Five of the 15 sessions they would have to survive to secure the series had already gone by the time they went in to bat. One solid team innings on a moribund pitch and they would be almost safe. They replied with 544, and six more sessions had scuttled down England’s drain. England thrashed a quick 237, set West Indies a notional 240 to win in 66 overs, a target that was never going to tempt them, given that they had the lead in the series, and the game ended with West Indies’ ninth-wicket pair clinging on, and England thinking “Oooops.” Cook wanted to avoid a similar scenario, in which his team could be denied a series victory by a lack of time to take the crucial final wickets on a non-deteriorating 21st-century fifth-day pitch. And he did avoid that scenario. By a massive margin. Albeit not quite in the way he was intending to.● Some stats on winning the toss and electing to bowl:Since 1 January 2000, toss-winning Test captains have elected to bat 396 times. Their results: won 142, drawn 96, lost 158. They have chosen to bowl 209 times – won 86, drawn 55, lost 66. In terms of their win-to-loss ratio, captains choosing to bowl first have been 45% more successful than captains choosing to bat (1.30 wins per defeat, to 0.89 wins per defeat).This was the 23rd time England had chosen to bowl first since 2000. They have won 12 and lost only two of those matches. In the 53 Tests in which England have won the toss and batted in that time, they have won 19, drawn 16, and lost 18.

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